im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
