just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
