I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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