You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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