we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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