I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
