trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
