The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
