I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
