She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
