whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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