My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
