i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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