nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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