your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
