Sacagawea was the original milf.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
