I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
