He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
