So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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