upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
