I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
