Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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