I think my fart just growled at me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
