She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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