ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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