Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
