I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
