My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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