The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
