when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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