It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
