mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
