Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've blown a few things in my day
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
