slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
