Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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