My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think my moral compass just broke
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
