If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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