if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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