My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
