Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
