i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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