i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
