Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
