Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
