and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
