dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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