I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
