did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
