I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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