he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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