have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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