It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
