this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
