we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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