He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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