I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
