then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
