You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
