I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
