So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
NoShamevember. You game?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
