Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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