Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize