Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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