Kiss
Puke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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