i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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