Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
