***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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