I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
