Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
