I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
