I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
