If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
