OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
