did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
