the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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