I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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