I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
